Thankful Thursday

Today I am thankful to have celebrated my son's 14th birthday this week. He is my firstborn, my first baby love and my only son. We have been through so much, which I have touched on a little in the past. But for each challenge we have faced, it has only made our successes that much sweeter. Fourteen years ago, I became a mother for the first time. When we found out I was pregnant, I didn't know what to expect. I was an only child, so taking care of a baby was something I knew nothing about. I thought having a baby was all about cute babies, baby clothes, stinky diapers, bottles and decorating a nursery. I was so completely clueless about the magnitude of love that was about to take over me, the soul changing and complete rearrangement of priorities. I will never forget the first night we went to the hospital. It was 5 weeks early and we were completely unprepared. I remember the nurse escorting us to the delivery room and as I walked in, I stopped in the doorway. Eric bumped into me because he didn't expect me to stop so abruptly. I stood there looking at the medical equipment and it dawned on me for what seemed like the first time, I am going to have a baby! The nurse gave me a gown and instructed me to go in the bathroom and change. I shut the door behind me and leaned on the door forever, trying to catch my breath. Suddenly, it was not about being pregnant, there was a REAL baby at the end of this pregnancy! Alex was not born that night. They sent us home, saying they shouldn't see us for at least another 4-5 weeks. A Jamaican nurse chewed me out for being dehydrated and told me if I only drank some water, I wouldn't have contractions. Whatever, I was really in no mood to be chastised. We were back the next night and Alex was born the following morning. There were complications so I was only able to hold him long enough to take a couple pictures. Then he was whisked away to be "checked out" and I didn't see him again for another 10 (yes, TEN) hours. Nobody told me what was going on, they just kept saying they were checking him and he will be back shortly. Finally, after totally losing it with the poor nurse who had just came in to introduce herself at the beginning of her shift, she rolled him in. I was in awe of this perfect little bundle. It was the first time I really looked at him, his birth was such a scary blur. My mother had flown in by then and I asked her to pick him up because I was so unsure, so afraid to do it all wrong. As she held him, he was sleeping and he began to "sing" in his sleep. That was the moment I melted, fell head over heels in love with my son and became a mother. For many months, he "sang" in his sleep. The way he breathed caused him to make a sighing noise with each breath he took. It was a sign of his immature respiratory system, but still the sweetest sound you ever heard. I often would sit and just listen to his song.

So today, I am thankful for everything the last 14 years has brought us ~ our family, my greatest treasure. After his birth, we learned just how perilous the situation was. If I had gone full term, he would not have survived. He is a survivor, my miracle, my inspiration and my heart. I am thankful to God for allowing us to witness this miracle everyday and for the sunshine he brings to our lives.

Happy Birthday Sunshine!!!
(no, I don't call him that anymore in public, but in my heart, he will always be my sunshine)