From a Ladybug to a Fairy

Ever have one of those days where you just can't pull it all together? That's my day today and not a good day for that either since it's Halloween! We have a block party to set up, a little trick or treater to get ready, a big trick or treater who needs to be at her friend's house at the exact same time as the block party and an even bigger, bloody trick or treater who is out of blood and needs me to run to the costume store for more blood. I called DH and asked him to get some more blood while he is out - not your usual conversation! :-)

I thought I would do a flashback to Linzi's first Halloween home. I remember a happy, sweet little baby. But when I look at these pictures today, I see a tinge of uncertainty, even fear in her eyes that is not there now. Although I was sensitive to her transistion at the time, I don't think I fully grasped just how big of an impact it truly was for her until we reached the other side. Today, the uncertainty is gone from her eyes. This child totally rules our nest - which I am proud AND not so proud to say! LOL

And here is a sneak peak at Linzi's costume this year.

I hope to get the Halloween pictures up this weekend after the big game. I hope everyone has a great night! GO GATORS!!!!

Thankful Thursday

This week has been full of so many beautiful blessings! Where do I even begin?

• For starters, I am thankful for my beautiful daughter! She is my rock and some days, my source of sanity. As I watch her grow, I am inspired by the young woman she is becoming. She is wise beyond her years, in the most wonderful way. Her patience is remarkable (didn't get that from me!) and she teaches me a thing or two about life everyday. I truly am not worthy of this child!

• Yesterday's meeting left me full of hope for my son. Something that I cling to with every fiber of my being. He inspires me with his perseverance and courage.
  

• This week, two friends blessed me in the most profound and beautiful ways.

The Pixel Fairy Princess shared her talent and her friendship. The pictures - oh my! I don't even know where to begin! My mind is spinning with all the ideas of what to do, what to have printed for what, presents for grandparents, etc. I will treasure these always. Thank you for capturing a moment in time with my family and I love the music you chose for the DVD too.

Heather - I am still trying to find the words to properly respond to your email yesterday! You just can't even begin to imagine how encouraging and uplifting your words were for me. I WILL respond to you privately sometime tonight and I can't wait to talk to you in person soon. Your wisdom, life experience and most of all, your sweet spirit is a blessing to all. I am so fortunate to be on the receiving end of your beautiful heart. I only hope I can give to someone what you gave me in a simple (but long LOL) email.

• I am continuing to lose weight, not sure how since I haven't been to the gym in TOO long. But my jeans are only getting looser. There are a few that I can't even wear anymore, for fear of - well, you get the picture! ;-) I have a long way to go, but I am on the path and that is all that matters.

• My DH and I are looking forward to planning a little romantic get-away next spring in San Francisco. We are planning on spending some time in the city, Chinatown and taking a Napa Wine Valley tour. One more motivation for the weight loss. I am looking forward to some one on one time with the man I love so very much. I am grateful not only for this opportunity, but for the anticipation. Just knowing we have these plans makes me happy.

• Both Mandi & Alex got a sad dose of reality at church last night. They each spoke to friends who are going through some really tough stuff right now. Things so awful, things that no child should ever have to endure. My heart breaks for them but it also made me realize how thankful I am to be able to give my children a stable environment and that they will never have to suffer the pain that their friends are going through right now. I am also proud at how moved they both were, to share it with me, to pray for them and to offer friendship and support. Thankfully, both kids have reached out for help at church and hopefully, will find peace and resolution.

• And only because I have been so focused on everything special about the "big" kids, I just have to add how grateful I am for my not-so-little one too! She is the light of my world - which so obvious, it goes without saying!

I hope your life is filled with many blessings too!I just noticed a little error on this LO. The stitching is not placed correctly, it should be stitching the ric rac and the picture and it should probably be a little longer. I am still such a novice! But the purple rose is very strategically placed - I loved this image of Linzi, but she just happened to be holding a cat dish with crusty, half eaten cat food. YUCK!

So much Promise!

For reasons way too personal to share publicly, this simple little LO perfectly sums up my feelings after a very important meeting this morning. It's all good. I am so very proud of my son. It is a beautiful day outside, even if it is a bit chilly. The sunny sky is almost as bright as the sunshine that this boy brings to my life. I am filled with pride, love and most of all - HOPE. . .

I LOVE the fall! It is absolutely my favorite time of year. Crisp, breezey days, leaves falling, the colors, the clothes, pumpkin bread, pumpkin lattes, football game days. . .these are all some of my favorite thing!

Our Photo Shoot w/ PFP

How lucky am I to call the Pixel Fairy Princess my friend AND to have my children's portraits by her?!!! We met her downtown and had so much fun. I just can't wrap my mind around her level of creativity. She is nothing short of genius. These are portraits that I will treasure FOREVER. My walls will never be bare! Go see for yourself. She has posted a sneak a peek on her blog and if you click on one of the photos, it will take you to her flickr account where she has 64 pictures posted. When I first saw these pictures last night, I couldn't see through the tears. She captured each of my children in such a beautiful way, both outside and inside. They are everything I hoped for and so much more!

Linzi was so incredibly cooperative. We only had a few very minor moments, but they were manageable. She was exhausted and fell asleep as we drove away. She slept for the next 2 1/2 HOURS. We even got her out of the carseat, into the stroller, walked in the park for an hour, put her back in the carseat and drove home. She slept through each transition and then she slept all the way home until we got off at our exit. Modeling is very hard work. ;-)

Alex's Baptism

Alex was baptized but there is so much more to this story. I am currently working on a scrapbook page to capture it all. I wrote a little about it here. He was baptized during the high school worship service. Up until the day, Alex insisted that I couldn't go because he would be "the only one in the history of our church to have his parents come to high school worship". ;-) I made all kinds of promises - I will not walk in with him, I will not draw attention to myself, I will NOT take pictures, I will hide in the back and never make a peep. I explained to him how much it meant to me to be able to be there and pray over him silently. He flat out refused. I made peace with this decision and accepted it. On the night of, I drove him to church and he surprised me by asking if I was going to stay! Go figure. So I sat by myself in the Starbucks Cafe (yes, our church has a Starbucks!) until it was time for the service. As I sat there, someone mentioned that there was a beautiful rainbow outside. When I went out to see it, it was the most vibrant, double rainbow I have ever seen in my life! Since I had promised not to take pictures and I never expected to be allowed to stay, I did not have my camera. But I ran outside and captured it with my cell phone.
I am sure that it was a sign - the angels in heaven were rejoicing along with me over my son's precious heart. As the service began, I noticed I was NOT the only parent in there. Three kids were baptized that night and I am sure that all of their parents were there, hiding in the back with me. During worship music, Alex texted me and asked where I was. He couldn't see me and he was actually looking for me! Another wonderful surprise - no matter how grown up he gets, he still needs his momma. :-) I will never forget watching him raise his hands in praise as we sang the most appropriate of all contemporary worship songs.

Found Love beyond all reason
You gave Your Life, Your all for me
Call me Yours forever

Caught in the mercy fallout
Found Hope, found Life,
found all i need
You´re all i need

The time has come
To stand for all we believe in
So i for One am gonna
give my praise to You

Today, today it´s all or nothing
All the way
The praise goes out to You
Yeah all the praise goes out to You

He couldn't see me, but I could see him, and I saw EVERYTHING beautiful about my child that night. I am in awe of my son's faithful spirit. Who would have thought I would learn such things from my own child.

Fall is in high gear here and the holidays are right on the tail. I am finding it harder and harder to keep up with the blog. Part of me wants to close it down only because I just can't make time for it. But I just can't bring myself to pull the plug. Blogging has served so many purposes for me. It was originally meant to be a journal/scrapbook and a way to share with our family and closest friends. I do plan on printing it in a book each year, starting with this year. So many (but not everything) significant moments in our family's life is documented somewhere in this blog. It has also been therapeutic at times to sort my feelings out or just say what is on my heart. But the most amazing and surprising part of blogging has been all of the wonderful people I have met, both online and in person. Friendships that are so precious to me have started right here. There are some who have reached out to me and I only wish we lived close enough to meet in "real life" so I could just hug you and tell you in person just how much your words have meant to me. (Heather, Lisa, & Linette, just to name a few!) And how I have grown as I learned from all of you! I am constantly inspired emotionally, creatively and intellectually as I visit all of my bloggy friends. Some days, your posts are exactly what I need to push myself to be a better mother, wife and all around person. And sometimes, I just need a good laugh. For these reasons and so many more, I am NOT closing my blog. I am making a promise to myself to make it more of a priority to keep up with it and with all of you. I know I haven't been around to comment much and I am truly sorry. I promise I am going to try to do better! XOXO XOXO :-)

I have another post coming about Alex's baptism and I hope to get Mandi's post done for cheerleading today. We have a very busy weekend ahead, but by Monday, I hope to get back on track.

I am so, so, so excited for tomorrow! We have a very special photo shoot planned with none other, than the Pixel Fairy Princess herself! Another very precious friend that I would never have the pleasure of knowing without this blog! I can't even tell you how much these photos mean to me. PFP has the most amazing ability to capture the soul in her pictures. I know I am biased, and my children are beautiful, but the real beauty lies in their hearts. If anyone can capture that, it is the PFP. She doesn't just do your typical shiny, pretty pictures where everyone looks good. Her work goes so much deeper. It is truly a work of art that stirs the heart and brings emotions to the surface. If you don't know her then go on over and see for yourself!

A girl and her kitty

I think I have done this title before, but not with this kitty. I know, the kitty posts are getting old. But these pictures are too sweet not to share. I am also working on a special post for Mandi's cheerleading competition this past weekend and for Alex. He was baptized last night. It was such a sweet and amazing night. I want to do it justice. More on that later.

Linzi and the kitty have such a special bond. He loves her the most and will let her do anything with him. She is so sweet and gentle with him. I just love watching them together. I don't know how DH can possibly resist the kitty after seeing how happy he makes our LuLu. Speaking of DH, it was raining this morning and HE is the one who went downstairs and let the kitty in! When our own naughty cat tried to pick a fight with the kitty, DH scooped her up and dumped HER outside and let the kitty stay in. I was still in bed and had nothing to do with this little development. Do you think he is softening?

BTW, I just got a new lens and flash for my camera. There is so much I don't know!

Just an Ordinary Day & Ordinary Miracles - Thankful Thursday

This post should be titled "My Glamourous Life as a Mom"! ;-) DH has been out of town all week, so it has taken me 2 days to pull this one together. It's long and sappy, so considered yourself warned! And since it is now Thursday, this is also my "Thankful Thursday" post.

Today was one of those days where chaos ensued and my patience was put to the test. Add to that the fact that hubby is out of town and I have no back up - well, it could have been a really bad day! But instead, God nudged me gently and reminded me to STOP, enjoy the moment, enjoy the blessing! And what blessings and ordinary miracles there were to be found.

Ordinary Miracle #1
The day started off by me waking up late (like that never happens - yeah right!). Alex has to be up by 5:40 AM and on the bus by 6:15 AM. Now getting Alex out of bed is a monumental task that requires HUGE amounts of patience that just doesn't exist in me at that time of day. Today, I gave the poor boy just 20 minutes from regaining consciousness to jumping on the bus and all that must be done in between. Totally not fair to him, but he was a champ. He actually got out of bed, hurried through getting dressed, grabbed a bite and was off without too much pushing from me. Small miracle indeed - and one I was very grateful for. If he had missed the bus, I would have had to yank Linzi out of bed at dark-0-thirty to drive him to school. It is 20 miles round trip and Linzi would have been crying and whining the whole way. Let's just say that she shares her brother's resistance to mornings. Kindergarten is going to be tough.

Ordinary Miracle #2
My house is clean! The night before and after I got Alex off to school, I actually got every. corner. of. my. house clean before the rest could get messed up. All beds were made, all rooms clean, floors mopped and vacuumed, etc., etc. For one whole glorious day, it was all done at the same time. What's my trick? Do it while the kids are in bed and then when they wake up, LEAVE THE HOUSE AND DON'T COME BACK! LOL I am sure all moms can relate.

Ordinary Miracle #3
As the weather cools off, I am in desparate need of new clothes. I used to be very fashion conscious. That was when I still wore a size 5/6 and everything looked good on me. It was also before I had children. So today I tried on several things while Linzi, Ally & I had fascinating conversations in the dressing room. I am sure everyone else in the dressing room enjoyed our conversations as well. ;-) Nothing fit, nothing looked quite right and I left empty handed. Didn't even buy so much as a t-shirt. Where is the miracle here, other than the fact that I save DH a ton of $$$? Well, nothing fit because I am slowly, slowly losing weight. I am down one complete size and in between the next size down! I left empty handed and motivated to come back in a couple weeks to buy jeans 2 sizes smaller than I bought last year! Yeah baby!

Ordinary Miracle #4
Thank God for olive oil and the internet! I indulged Linzi with a pack of gum today. As we are standing in the middle of a certain girls' store in the mall, surrounded by a gazillion toys and bling, she only wanted a pack of gum and a Webk!nz. It seemed like a reasonable request, considering that the Webk!nz were on sale for $5.90 (normally $15.99) IF you made a purchase and the gum counted as a purchase. So I obliged, as long as she promised to share with Ally. She did. So how does olive oil and the internet fit in? Well, when we got home, Linzi had a HUGE wad of gum in her hair. And I did not have any peanut butter in the house. It never worked that well for me anyway. (Yes, I do have some experience with gum in the hair!) I was sure we were going to have to cut it out. It was smack on top of her head, cutting it would have created a nice little rooster tail at the crown of her head. Let me just also add that Linzi's hair grows very slowly and we would be haunted by the reminder of this incident for many months to come. The internet saved me with the suggestion of olive oil. IT WORKS like magic! All moms, tuck this away in your memory banks because, if you allow your small children to have gum, you WILL find yourself in this same situation sooner or later. Linzi's hair is now silky, shiny clean and not a single broken hair on top of her sweet little head.

Ordinary Miracle #5
Linzi took a nice nap today. This doesn't happen often. I cherish the afternoons that she drifts off. It gave me a chance to focus on some things I needed to do. There is A LOT I need to do.

Ordinary Miracle #6
Alex did ALL of his homework before 6:00. HUGE for him. Homework is a battle with him and me. It is the necessary evil and one that I am often afraid will be the thing that pushes him away from me. Today, there wasn't much of a battle. It did help that he was looking forward to what I had promised him later in the evening.

Ordinary Miracle #7 & 8
Mandi has been working so hard for her cheerleading competition this weekend. Her squad is AMAZING! Tonight, I got to see their full routine. They looked so good and tonight, I took pause to realize just how proud I am of my daughter. She has always been my "easy" child, and sometimes, it is really easy to lose sight of just how special she is. There is nothing ordinary about the miracle of my daughter and I am grateful to be reminded of this. While all the other parents were commiserating on how glad they were that this was the last practice and how inconvenient the schedule has been, I didn't feel the need to join in. It has been difficult shuffling all three kids, homework & dinner around this schedule. But the girls have worked so hard and that's what it's all about. The girls, this experience and that moment of glory in the middle of a huge arena. I am grateful that God gently adjusted my attitude - it would have been so easy for me to feel the same way as some of the other parents.

Mandi has a great position in the routine and will be easy to spot from the top rows of the arena that they will perform in. Shallow, I know. But I am secretly pleased that she will not be lost in the crowd of girls when the mamarazzi is filming. A very small, ordinary miracle for me and our family archives. :-)

Ordinary Miracle #9
While Mandi was at practice, I gave Alex his first driving lesson with me. He has only driven one other time with Eric. Today, it was my turn. There are so many thoughts, moments and emotions tied up with this one. Both funny, nostalgic and emotional. First of all, the huge miracle is that there was a time that it was altogether possible that my son may NEVER be able to learn to drive a car. Every milestone that we reach with him is so much more appreciated because of where we have been and we could have gone. My faith journey began at the lowest point in my life - when my son's future was in question. God has moved mountains for my son. He is a survivor. I have witnessed miracle after miracle with him. So the simple act of teaching him to drive a car brought up much more complex emotions than one would expect.

On to the funny parts. We found the perfect empty parking lot to practice in. It is a strip mall that is still under construction so there are no stores or traffic yet. The parking spaces are in place, there are medians to negoitiate, and perfect scenarios to set up. As we are changing places, Linzi says "GuhGuh is going to drive?!!! GuhGuh doesn't drive yet. Can I get out?" Sorry honey, if this plane goes down, we are all going down together!

At one point, we were stuck going toward the other end of the parking lot where there was a little traffic. I felt pretty comfortable in the moment, so I told him to just keep going. A few cars went by in the oncoming lane, and as they passed, Alex waved at each one. The first one or two, I barely noticed. But after the third one, I realized that he was going to wave at EVERYBODY who went by. LOL That's my sweet, friendly boy and that's why we have always called him "Sunshine". I was laughing so hard as I told him he did not need to wave at all the cars in traffic. Then another car passes, and he waves again! Can you just imagine him driving down the interstate, waving at everyone?! We had a great moment laughing hysterically together. We haven't had one of those moments in a while. The miracle of this moment was the laughter we shared and the glimpse of that sweet, sweet little boy that hides behind a typical, brooding, "I am way too cool for you" teenage boy's face.

And of course, I had to take pictures of this monumental event, much to his chagrin. :D I will post them after I have scrapped them.

Ordinary Miracle #10 & 11
Alex has always been very spiritual. Along with the desperation I felt in our situation when he was young, it was his own pull toward God that brought me there too. I don't know if I would have ever taken that step if it weren't for him. God used my own son to call me to Him. Now that he is in the high school youth group, Alex wants to be saved. He has completely initiated this on his own. Tonight, he asked me to review his email that he is sending to his youth group Pastor asking to be saved. It was three sentences long. Three of the most meaningful sentences I have ever read in my life. My son wants to publicly declare his faith. He wants to grow in his relationship with Christ. This email was his top priority tonight. Nothing ordinary about this one!

As I am still reeling from this, I was getting dinner out for the kids, checking on kitty outside, carrying on a phone conversation with DH and completely caught up in my chaotic little life. I motioned to Alex that dinner was on the table and left the room to find everyone else. When I came back, I found him, sitting alone at the table, saying his blessing before he ate. I was so touched by this ordinary moment. There was no one to say the blessing with, no one to remind him to say the blessing, no one to notice if he said the blessing at all. It was just him and God. That simple little act was proof of his conviction. I have never felt more proud. At the same time, my heart broke for the fact that I was so busy in the moment, that he had to sit by himself and say the blessing alone. I felt so ashamed of myself while I was bursting with pride for him.

Ordinary Miracle #12
Linzi ratted me out to daddy. DH is standing strong on his stance with the kitty. He doesn't mind us feeding it and taking care of it. He has a soft heart and would never let an animal go uncared for. But he refuses to go one step further and let us actually claim the cat as ours. He says if I have 3 cats, I will officially be a cat lady and he does not want to be married to the cat lady. He conjures up an image of an old, haggard lady with 20 cats- not attractive. So as soon as he leaves to go out of town, the kids are like "Hey, Dad's gone. Let's bring the kitty in!" The first night, I did the right thing and said we can't do that behind Dad's back. The second night, tonight, as I am talking on the phone while Alex is saying his blessing, the girls were not at the table because they had the cat in the house. I didn't even know what was happening when I handed the phone to Linzi to say hi. She gets on and says "Hi Daddy! We are petting Oliver in the house. He's sweet. He needs a family. Will you pet him in the house too?" Thanks dear! Luckily, Eric found humor in this and we laughed at the great example we are setting about honesty. He still hasn't budged on kitty though. Does anyone know of a good, loving home for the sweetest little kitten ever?! He is currently sleeping in a comfy basket on my doorstep and has claimed us. I am hoping DH will soften - not a far stretch, but a stretch all the same. :D

Thank you God for this life, for these children and for the reminders that You gave me today! It would have been so easy for me to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Instead, I am grateful and humbled by all that they teach me, the joy they bring to my heart and the honor of being their mother.

And if you are still reading, just one more ordinary miracle! LOL May your life be filled with the same small blessings that make each day a gift. Hugs to all!