My Poor Baby

Today was not a good day for my LuLu. It was awful, just plain awful. Linzi had her first cavity filling (actually it was two). I already felt guilty enough that she even had cavities at all. Neither one of my older two have ever had a cavity and I didn't get my first and only cavity until I was 34 years old. The dentist assured me that they were both very small and in the back molars in the grooves of her teeth where it is difficult to reach. The fact that Linzi has a very strong gag reflex only makes it harder to brush back there. So anyway, today we show up thinking that this is going to be a breeze (that's what they told us). Not so much. The initial numbing and shot went fine. She was completely cooperative. Then came the clampy thing to hold her mouth open. The assistant and the dentist did not notice that the clampy thing was WAY too big for her little mouth. She put it in, locked it open and let go. As soon as she did, Linzi struggled, so they took it out. The assistants and the dentist then proceed to marvel at just how BIG the stupid thing was! HELLO?!!! So I am hugging Linzi, trying to calm her down and choke back my own tears because this was SO unnecessary. I was seriously worried that they may have injured her jaw, so I asked the dentist if she was okay and the dentist says "She's fine, she's just not used to the numbing." ????? They then gave her a little gas and she calmed down enough for them to do what they needed to do. The rest of the procedure went smoothly enough. But what broke my heart was the way Linzi completely shut down. This is her coping mechanism and it was strangely reminiscent of our first days in China. She just stared straight ahead, no expression, no eye contact. It was like she was in a trance. They had warned me to watch her chewing her lip, because she was numb, she could chew right through it and not even feel it. They said it happens all the time, so they stuck a cotton roll in her mouth to help her resist the temptation. As I am paying the bill, the girl behind the desk suddenly yells "HEY!!! DON'T DO THAT!!!" in a harsh loud voice. I nearly jumped out of my skin and looked down to see her biting her lip and trembling. I know this woman was trying to keep Linzi from hurting herself and but to Linzi, it sounded like she was yelling at her. Sure enough, Linzi had bit her lip pretty hard and it was starting bleed a little already. AND since Linzi was already in shut down mode AND since she cannot tolerate anyone fussing at her, she buried her head on my chest and silently had a huge meltdown. The silent ones are ALWAYS the worst. The woman felt horrible and another assistant stepped in to try to help, but Linzi would not look up. I finally got her out to the car and as I was strapping her in her car seat, she locked eyes with me and the tears started pouring out her eyes before she ever made a sound, the sobs followed. It was the most helpless, awful feeling I remember ever having with her. We have been so fortunate that she has never really been too sick or had any trauma. This was our first real traumatic incident. I tried to make it up to her with some spoon fed soft serve ice cream (her favorite) but she only had three bites. So we went home and snuggled in bed until she fell asleep. They warned me that her lip will probably swell up and look pretty bad for a few days. GREAT, because tomorrow, we finally get to meet Debbie and LiLi. Lucy & Ally will be there too. I am so looking forward to this and I am sure there will be lots of pics of our little princesses. I know I will be snapping away, but Debbie is the one with the real talent. Just look for the beautiful LiLi, Ally and her captivating smile and Linzi with the big, bloody swollen lip. Poor Baby. :-(